Thursday, July 17, 2008

Where is the light at the end of this darn tunnel?

So I've been a SAHM for the past 7 last real office job was for a company that is a mess on a good day with an owner that has more personalities than a soap opera. I opened my mouth when I shouldn't have and my resignation was accepted that very day - I didn't shed a tear or even acknowledge the relief I felt until I was in my car leaving that day. I have never regretted leaving that Godforsaken company and no matter what happens I never will. I am ready to go to work again out in the office world and now have to figure out what will make me happy AND help support my family so that my husband isn't bearing it all on his shoulders. I have loved every day home with my 2 girls and really have treasured my time with them - but the rest of the homemaker role is just not something I'm good at. My house isn't organized or tidy, but it is clean at least and I do cook every night. I was home to see my littlest one take her first step and then again when she was running like a mad woman 2 weeks later. I have been able to get my oldest ready for pre-school and go to all of their appointments. Money as always is a stress factor for me - I stress when I'm bringing home a paycheck and I stress when I'm not. Large purchases are something I stew about for days on end and I rarely buy anything for myself. I have a list of personal wants, like everyone does, but mine is for very specific the exact digital camera I would give my eye teeth for....but that's pretty much where my personal wants end. I want to feel good about my role on this planet, the kind of wife and mother I am - but is it too much to ask that I get paid good money to support my family?

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